i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
