Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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