new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
