my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
