I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
