also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
