1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
