Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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