you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i out mim tonsoeep
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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