Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
