I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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