We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
