How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
