census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
