I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
