Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
