Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
