im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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