I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
