Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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