my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She's the barista slut.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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