yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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