Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
