Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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