I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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