Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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