She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
