You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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