So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
