a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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