If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
