yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He literally asked permission to hit on me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
