god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize