you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
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if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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