I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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