I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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