My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
