well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
