overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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