Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
