I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
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I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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