Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
