We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
