True but thats because hes a fetus.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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