I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize