Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
