She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
two words...techno handjob
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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