I am in a vortex of obligation.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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