Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
