Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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