I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
