My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
