I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
