I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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