So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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