My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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