The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
