i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The adults are the big ones right?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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