God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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