sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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