Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
