Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize